Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past month or so, I’m sure you’re heard about Senator Larry Craig and his shenanigans. For you cave dwellers, here’s the Reader’s Digest version. He got popped in an airport bathroom for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer. During the arrest, he threw down his business card and asked, “What do you think about that?” Then, he pled guilty to disorderly conduct. But when the whole affair was publicized, he said pleading guilty was a mistake – he was just trying to make the whole thing go away. He resigned from office, then took it back, then said he’d resign by the end of September if his case wasn’t resolved and set about trying to withdraw his guilty plea. How’s that for the condensed version? If you want to unabridged version, please feel free to peruse the arrest report.
So, the Honorable (ha!) Senator allegedly tried to engage in anonymous bathroom man sex? Hey, whatever floats your boat. Not my thing and if the Honorable Senator solicited me for some anonymous bathroom man sex, he’d probably find his prized business card inserted in his anus in less than three taps of a shoe on a men’s room floor. Still, if that’s your thing, knock yourself out. Until you get caught with your pants down.
My problem with the Honorable Senator’s actions is that he refuses to take responsibility for anything. First, he says his actions were misconstrued, that when he sits on the pot, he spreads his feet wide and accidentally bumped the officer’s foot. Next up, he was simply reaching for toilet paper on the floor. Why in the hell would any sane man accidentally bump another man’s foot whilst in the bathroom? You don’t say “hey” to another dude in the bathroom let alone bump feet. Second, are you really going to pick up TP from a public bathroom floor? I think not. Next, the Honorable Senator returned to the airport to bitch that the officers had mistreated him. Why? Because they didn’t quake in their boots when he dropped his business card? Can I get a big “whatever?” Not to be left out, this was all the fault of the Idaho Statesman, the Boise newspaper. I guess they shouldn’t have reported the news. And lastly, the good Senator claims he didn’t understand what he was doing when he entered his guilty plea.
I would assume that Senator Craig is an educated man. Typically, you don’t spend a lifetime in politics if your education consisted of dropping out of the 5th grade. He didn’t understand? Come on, get real. He knew damn well what he was doing. He said himself he was simply trying to make it go away. And when it backfired on him, he suddenly didn’t understand what he was doing? Right. Allow me to interpret the Honorable Senator’s statements into plain English: I screwed up and when I tried to make it go away, it didn’t work. So I want a do-over.
Senator Craig, you disgust me. Your desire to have anonymous bathroom man sex doesn’t disgust me as much as your refusal to stand up and be a man. (I guess getting bent over a toilet doesn’t go very far toward being manly, but I’m sure you understand my point.) You are a disgrace to the country, your office and more importantly, to the voters who elected you to represent them. It’s not everybody else’s fault. It’s your fault. Take responsibility. Stop the shenanigans.
And that, Senator Craig is what infuriates me. Like it or not, you’re one of those grown ups who is supposed to set an example. Even though politicians are probably about as crooked as the mafia, you’re supposed to be held to a higher standard. I don’t want to hear my kids trying to shuck and jive when they’re in trouble because that’s what Senator Craig does.
I have no doubt that September 30th with pass without this sorry excuse of a Senator resigning from office. He’ll come up with yet another excuse or blame somebody else. There will be yet another reason why this is somebody else’s fault. Senator Craig, you need to do the right thing – you need to resign immediately and apologize to your constituents. And rest assured that if you represented me, I’d take a couple of weeks’ vacation and follow you into every public bathroom carrying the largest sign you’ve ever seen telling you what a disgrace you are.
So what do you think about that?
P.S. Senator Craig, if, after you do the right thing and slink back to Idaho, you happen to find yourself in the stall next to mine at some random public bathroom, please try to refrain from playing footsies with me. My boot up your ass isn’t going to be what you expected.