Deranged Mind

November 22, 2008

Merry X-mas

Filed under: California,Humor — Tags: , — The Deranged One @ 3:05 am

As I mentioned the night before Election Day (Election Eve?) I saw a Christmas commercial on the television. I’ve always been upset because it seems that the retailers push Christmas earlier and earlier each year. I have nothing against Christmas, I just get sick and tired of the commercials. This year isn’t looking to be any different.
The night following Election Day, I saw two houses in my neighborhood that not only had their Christmas lights up, but turned on as well. That would be November 5th. I felt a little nauseous when I saw them. It got worse. Last week, I was driving through Sacramento and got stuck in a traffic jam on I-80 thanks to a couple of idiots who decided to play bumper cars. They had pulled out of traffic, but that didn’t matter to all the other idiots on the highway who had to slow down for a glimpse and backed up traffic for a good 2 miles. I often wish that the idiots (I refuse to call them rubberneckers -- a stupid term) would get a good look at an eviscerated driver. Not that I wish evisceration on anybody (that I can say out loud,) but I’d like the idiot in front of me who has to slam on the brakes to take a peak at a wreck to have nightmares for weeks.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was sitting in traffic and there wasn’t anything good on the radio. So I started flipping the dial. No, I no longer have a dial I can flip, but that’s what we always called it. The radio stopped on a station proudly and loudly broadcasting Christmas music. I thought it was a fluke and quickly changed to some obscure AM talk show. A few minutes later, I switched back and sure enough, more Christmas music. Hmm, this isn’t looking good.

Not only that, but last week, we received our first Christmas card of the year. Worse yet, I stopped at a Fry’s store on Monday and they were blasting Christmas music.

What is the world coming to? Pretty soon, are we going to be preparing for Christmas on July 5th? Perhaps the local service clubs can set up a combination fireworks/Christmas tree stand. That would make for some outstanding fires.

As I said, I have nothing against Christmas. If I remember correctly, it’s supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus and not the one working in the kitchen at the local Chinese restaurant. Instead, it’s become a competition to see who can throw the gaudiest looking shit on their house, have the Christmas cards delivered first and sell the most shit that nobody can afford. That’s the real Christmas spirit.

And here’s something that always puts a smile on my face:

November 4, 2008

2008 SEMA Show

Filed under: News — Tags: — The Deranged One @ 12:21 pm

To get your minds off the elections, here are some new Jeep parts from the 2008 SEMA Show.

November 3, 2008

Proposition 8 Fanatics

Filed under: California,Politics — Tags: , — The Deranged One @ 10:19 pm

I haven’t bitched about anything in a bit so I guess it’s that time. And since it’s the eve of the election, what better thing to bitch about than the election?

Don’t get me wrong, I take voting and our government very, very seriously. However, over the past few weeks, my mailbox has begun to strain from the weight of all the junk being mailed by every damn politician I’ve never heard of, I can’t listen to 5 minutes of the radio without hearing some commercial and now, I can’t drive home without hordes of fanatics jumping in front of my truck to scream at me to vote for their cause.

The sheer volume of junk mail has me thoroughly disgusted. I wish I had set aside a box to throw all of the mailers into so I could weigh it at the end of the election. Some of the candidates are even sending multiple pieces of junk on the same day. Now think how many trees they’ve collectively killed in their quest to live off the public teat. Disgusting, isn’t it?

Next up are all of the commercials. This is probably one of the most annoying ones (thankfully I don’t watch a lot of television, but the audio version is played out on radio.) And since it’s so annoying, I want to share it with you. Replay it about 50 times so you can hear Gavin Newsom over and over and over….

I’ve heard that jackass say “whether you like it or not,” about 500,000 times in the past month. First, Newsom is an idiot. I pray that he never is elected to another public office because he’s the type of jackass who likes to hear himself talk. Doesn’t matter what he’s saying (or even if he has anything to say) he goes on and on. I won’t even start on the stupid things he wastes San Francisco residents’ money on. I digress. I’m not going to go into my beliefs on Proposition 8. Basically, if you vote yes, it outlaws same sex marriage in California. Until the inevitable lawsuits begin. If you vote no, it keeps things status quo. Until the inevitable lawsuits begin. See a common theme?

As I said, my beliefs don’t matter. Look at me as a martian from a 50′s movie who just touched down in the Golden State in the midst of the election. You have signs everywhere. Yes on 8. No on 8. Does anybody really think that if they have 2 more signs than the other side, it’ll convince me to vote one way or the other? Apparently, somebody does.

The other day, I was driving home pulling a large load of wood. It was raining and there was a semi flipped over. Traffic was screwed up for obvious reasons. And just beyond the accident, as traffic started to build up speed again, it ground to a halt as some idiot pulled off the highway to run over and stick their sign on the side of the freeway. Oh if only another semi would’ve flattened the stupid shit.

And apparently both factions have decided that if they steal/deface/burn their opponents signs, it’ll help them win. One of my coworkers chased a carload of kids across town after she caught them stealing her Prop 8 sign from her lawn. There’s a really intelligent move. Never mind that she incorrectly told me that voting yes on Prop 8 meant that you were voting to approve same sex marriage. If you’re too stupid to understand what your cause is all about, you shouldn’t be putting a sign on your lawn and you certainly shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Worse than that, I talked to some guy who is visiting from Utah. He was telling me about a video he saw on YouTube where somebody videotaped somebody else stealing election signs. Yawn. Okay, I guess that might be exciting in Utah. Anyway, he wanted to set up a sting to catch people stealing signs and then wanted to know if you can get into trouble in California for beating somebody up for stealing a sign. It’s a sign, for Christ’s sake. He corrected me and said no, it’s much more than that. Um no. It’s a wooden stake with a piece of paper attached. Are you willing to lose some teeth for a sign that was likely destined for a dumpster after the election? I’m not.

Tonight, I was driving home from the store. Everywhere I looked, there were election signs. They look like the weeds I fight every spring. On the radio, I got to listen to Mayor Gavin for the umpteenth time blabbing on and on. And as I approached a big intersection, there were 75 fanatics protesting on the sidewalk waving their signs, blowing whistles and generally acting like jackasses. Worse than that, they were jumping in front of traffic as it slowed for the signal. Since they had a bunch of kids with them, I must say they were setting a wonderful example for their kids. Yes, their antics really enticed me to vote for their cause.

Thankfully, tomorrow evening the drama will be over. I will be able to listen to old commercials. I won’t have idiots jumping in front of me in traffic. I’ll be able to relax. Well, maybe not. I just saw my first Christmas commercial of the year -- Hallmark. Fucking bastards.

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